Where’s My Man – or Woman?
Have you ever read that you should make a list of all the qualities you want in a partner and then watch him (or her) magically appear? Her is in parentheses because really I don’t know many guys who make that sort of list.
These days, though, that may be changing as more and more men enter the arena of being schooled in how to “catch” women. Welcome guys. You get to become as neurotic as women on this subject!
I get it why we do this – truth be told I made such a list myself oh so very long ago. I would find it funny, except the desire for a wonderful life partner is close to our hearts and souls.
Funny isn’t what it feels like if you’re by yourself on a “Saturday Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody” and you want not to be. It hurts.
While I believe it’s important to learn how to spend time with yourself – do you enjoy your own company?- and in fact is necessary to mental health – yourself doesn’t take the place of a beloved.
If it did, we might be extinct by now. And, as you may have noticed, we’re far from that.
Why “The List” & Affirmations Don’t Work
We’re living in a time where you hear that all you have to do is envision something and you can have it. the-happy-face-syndrome
But, the real truth is it takes more than repeating over and over what you want in order to effect a change.
Let’s use money as an example:
If you say over and over “I have all the money I need” and yet you’ve been broke all your life, what do you think your mind says when you repeat “I have all the money I need”? It says BS.
We now know that you need to combine EMOTION and feeling with the thought that you have all the money you need.
You need to envision what it feels like by giving your mind specific examples – for example, picturing yourself DOING what you’d do with the money.
And you need to “SEE” it as if it already IS.
Can you envision how this looks relative to having the relationship you want?
You need to FEEL and SEE what it feels like to be in the relationship. A word of caution: As the old saying goes, be careful what you ask for because you may be surprised how close you come if you envision in the way described.
You need to put more emotional energy into what it FEELS and LOOKS like than you put into thinking and talking about what’s NOT working!
Please read that last sentence about 20 times and let it sink in.
That’s right, how much time do you spend thinking and talking about what’s NOT working? You need to re-train yourself.
For numerous exercises that will help you do all of the above things I highly recommend the Abraham-Hicks book Ask and It Is Given.
Looking For Perfection In A Mere Mortal
If you have a list of all the traits you want in a beloved pull it out and take a look. If you don’t, imagine what you’d like.
Now ask yourself honestly: Am I seeking perfection in a person?
Next, ask yourself another question: Am I perfect?
Finally: Is perfect fun to be with?
A Final Piece Of The Puzzle
Let’s bring it all home.
Here’s another piece that will help you understand why attracting a quality relationship involves more than listing all the qualities you want in a person and waiting for the magic fairy to bring her.
It’s been said that if you want to see what your beliefs are, look at your life. This means you can only attract within a range of where you’re at yourself.
We resonate, if you will, on certain frequencies. We are energy beings. If you’re resonating on the “I’m not worthy of a great relationship” station you’re not going to attract someone who’s resonating on the “I deserve a fantastic relationship” station.
[Long Distance Relationship Quotes]
The thing is, you don’t always know what you believe because a lot of your beliefs are not in your conscious mind.
In order to change these beliefs, you need a way to access them on the subconscious level.
In my next post, I’ll tell you about a couple tools that allow you to access your subconscious beliefs and change them, often quickly.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your lists and what you’ve experienced in attracting a relationship you love – or don’t.
Until next time, be well and may you experience the best relationships ever.